Q: What is Father Christmas's tax status?
A: Elf-employed.
Q: Did you hear that joke about the infinite line?
A: Don’t worry, It doesn’t have a point!
A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
Q:Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A:To stamp out fires.
Q:Why do elephants have flat feet?
A:To stamp out burning ducks
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant.
Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said.
"But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
Q: How can you tell a blonde's been in your fridge?
A: There is lipstick on the cucumber.
Mum,can i dress a bra?
No.
Why not.I am 14 years old!
How many times I will say you "no", Michael...
If Chuck Norris were to get into a fight with another Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris would win.
Vote:
Go to your back door and look for the dog.
If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining.
But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.
If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.
If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.
Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.
Yours sincerely,
The CAT
Mike, to a blonde at the bar: "It's rude to interrupt a man when he's talking to his wife."
Sara: "Wife?"
Mike: "I'm working on it."
Sara: "You're awful sure of yourself."
Mike: "You too."