Two truck drivers trying to drive under a bridge. Driver, "Oh no, the height of bridge is 2.7m and our truck is 3m." 2nd driver, "it's ok, just go, there is no cops around."
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "I don't think you can keep your head down that long."
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
What do Mario LeMieux and Courtney Love have in common? They both shower after three periods!
Chuck Norris jumped off a building once. The ground didn't make it.
Just been to the gym and there's a new machine. Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick. Its good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps'!
TEACHER: Why would you paint something black? STUDENT: So it runs faster.
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she goes to the park, the pigeons throw her bread.
Chuck Norris CAN get blood from a stone.