Despite popular belief, there is no such thing as a tornado.
Chuck Norris just doesn't like trailer parks.
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Man comes home from work to find his boyfriend whacking off into a condom.
Man says, "WTF?"
Boyfriend says, "I am making you a sack lunch!"
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I threw a ball for my dog...
It's a bit extravagant I know, but it was his birthday and he looks great in a dinner jacket.
Q: In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans?
A: Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people's money.
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Chuck Norris went to every planet in the galaxy.
That is why there is no life on any of them.
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When Chuck Norris jumps from a building, the concrete commits suicide.
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A little old man who's hard of hearing goes to see the doctor. As he can't hear very well, he takes his wife with him.
The doctor examines the man and then says, "Hmm, I think we need to take a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample."
The old man turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"
The wife replies, "He said he wants your underwear."
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A couple had been married for 30 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday.
During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world.
I wish we could travel all over the world."
The fairy waved her wand and POOF!
She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn.
He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone.
This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Vote:
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
Knock on the door.