During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the priest with an unusual offer:
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows.
When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the priest looked the young man in the eye and said:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes, I do" then leaned toward the priest and hissed:
"I thought we had a deal."
The priest put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered:
"She made me a better offer."
Despite popular belief, there is no such thing as a tornado.
Chuck Norris just doesn't like trailer parks.
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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Chuck Norris went to every planet in the galaxy.
That is why there is no life on any of them.
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When Chuck Norris jumps from a building, the concrete commits suicide.
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How do you get a Mexican chick to blow you?
You decorate your wiener with leaves.
Trust me, Mexicans love blowing leaves.
Q: What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your tv starts to float?
A: You turn on the lights and shoot the black people.
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Q: Why do police dogs lick their balls?
A: To get the taste of negro out of thier mouths
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A couple had been married for 30 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday.
During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world.
I wish we could travel all over the world."
The fairy waved her wand and POOF!
She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn.
He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone.
This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
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