The party only starts when Chuck Norris walks in.
A tourist on a farm asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg. The farmer said, "That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw." "So why does he have a wooden leg?" the tourist asked. "One night, our house caught on fire, and he came inside and woke us all up." The tourist asked again, "So, why does that pig have a wooden leg?" "You can't eat a pig that brave all at once!"
First cannibal: "Come and have dinner in our but tonight." Second cannibal: "What are you having?" First cannibal: "Hard-boiled legs."
Where does a cow stop to drink? The milky way.
A man wakes up after spending 20 years in a coma. One of the first things he does is ring his stockbroker. ‘Your assets have increased considerably,’ says the stockbroker. ‘The £20,000 you had invested with us is now worth £20 million.’ ‘That’s fantastic,’ says the man. Just then the phone starts bleeping and a recorded voice interrupts, ‘To continue this conversation please insert another £500,000.’
Did you hear about the aristocratic horse? He was the last of his race!
Teacher: "What is seven Q plus three Q?" Student: " Ten Q"Teacher: "You're Welcome."
How many students does it take to change a light bulb? "Is it worth any bonus marks?"
Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up? Because the first thing a child looks up is dog. The second is snake. And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.
Why wasn't Jesus born in Tennessee? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin...