Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
A reporter outside of a courtroom asked a defendant clad only in a barrel: “Oh, I see your attorney lost the case!” The defendant answered, “No, we won.”
Chuck Norris stared in to the mirror and said, "There can only be one Chuck Norris." Then his reflection cried and walked away.
Chuck Norris wears sunglasses not to protect his eyes from the sun, but to protect the sun from Chuck Norris.
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a lambrogini? A: Procupines have pricks on the outside.
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it’s no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”. The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”
Chuck Norris actually died a while back. Death just can't get the nerve to tell him.
Your mamas feet are so scaly you can see crocodile dundy in her foot bath.
A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully said each word right up to the end… "And lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."