Yo mama so ugly, even goldfish don't smile back.
Hey guys.
Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button.
Thank me later.
Angry geek dad shouted to kid, "End of discussion; Semicolon;"
The All Blacks were playing England, and after the half-time whistle blew they found themselves ahead 50-0, Jonah Lomu getting eight tries.
The rest of the team decided to head for the pub instead of playing the second half, leaving Jonah to go out on his own.
"No worries," Jonah told them, "I'll join you later and tell you what happened."
After the game Jonah headed for the pub where he told his teammates the final score: 95-3.
"What!!!!" said a furious Josh Kronfeld, "How did you let them get three points??!"
Jonah replied apologetically, "I was sent off with 20 minutes to go."
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven?
A: She didn't know what one came first.
No time for gym?
Please tell me how you watch 3 hours of TV every night.
Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues?
Because he had a stinking cold.
What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way?
He whale-d.
What do you call a neurotic octopus?
A crazy, mixed-up squid.
Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws?
It costs an arm and a leg to eat there.