A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper.
He sits down and orders a beer. After taking a drink he sees the guy next to him go over to the window and jump out!
"Holy cow! Did you see that!? That guy just jumped out the window!"
The bartender does nothing.
So the man takes another sip.
A minute later the same guy walks in, orders another drink, chugs it, and jumps out the window again.
"Jesus! He just jumped again!"
The bartender ignores the man. So the man sits puzzled.
The guy comes back into the bar, and orders another drink.
"How did you survive that jump?"
"I ordered a floatie drink, if you drink it in a certain amount of time, you can float."
So the guy quickly orders a floatie drink.
He takes it from the bartender, and chugs it.
He then jumps out the window and... SPLAT!
Right on the sidewalk!
The Bartender then says, "You know, Superman... you can be a real jerk when youre drunk."
Q: What is the difference between Harry Potter and a jew?
A: Harry Potter escaped the chamber.
A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepares to see each other naked for the first time.
The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet.
He explains, "I had tolio as a child."
The wife asks if he means polio.
He says, "No, it only affects the toes."
He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees.
He admits, "I had kneesles, too."
Finally, he pulls off his boxers.
In shock, the woman gasps, "Oh no...smallcox, too!"
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Wchich one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
How'd you like to go on a long romantic walk on the treadmill?
Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A: He didn't have any arms.
Vote:
I have joy in my heart and a glass of wine in my hand.
Coincidence?
What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache?
A bad mood.
‘My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.”
So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.
It was my grandfather.’
Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?
A:Mmmm, sandwiches!