Where was your mom last night?
At Chuck Norris' place.
Vote:
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator.
However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Vote:
Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
What happened when the shark became famous?
He tured into a starfish.
My wife asked if I would give it to her "doggy style."
So I took a dump on the floor and chewed up her shoes.
Q. Why are fish so smart?
Q. Why are fish so smart
A. Because they swim in schools!
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries."
The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
A: Becuase the "P" is silent.
Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?
A:Mmmm, sandwiches!