Best jokes ever

A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper. He sits down and orders a beer. After taking a drink he sees the guy next to him go over to the window and jump out! "Holy cow! Did you see that!? That guy just jumped out the window!" The bartender does nothing. So the man takes another sip. A minute later the same guy walks in, orders another drink, chugs it, and jumps out the window again. "Jesus! He just jumped again!" The bartender ignores the man. So the man sits puzzled. The guy comes back into the bar, and orders another drink. "How did you survive that jump?" "I ordered a floatie drink, if you drink it in a certain amount of time, you can float." So the guy quickly orders a floatie drink. He takes it from the bartender, and chugs it. He then jumps out the window and... SPLAT! Right on the sidewalk! The Bartender then says, "You know, Superman... you can be a real jerk when youre drunk."
Vote:
has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer, celebrity
Q: What is the difference between Harry Potter and a jew? A: Harry Potter escaped the chamber.
Vote:
has 54.61 % from 258 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, jewish, morbid
A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepares to see each other naked for the first time. The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet. He explains, "I had tolio as a child." The wife asks if he means polio. He says, "No, it only affects the toes." He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees. He admits, "I had kneesles, too." Finally, he pulls off his boxers. In shock, the woman gasps, "Oh no...smallcox, too!"
Vote:
has 54.60 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: couple, holiday, husband, marriage
Two kittens on a sloped roof. Wchich one slides off first? The one with the lowest mew.
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: kitty, nerd
How'd you like to go on a long romantic walk on the treadmill?
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: fitness, flirt, gym, romantic
Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing? A: He didn't have any arms.
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: black humor
I have joy in my heart and a glass of wine in my hand. Coincidence?
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, wine
What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache? A bad mood.
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, health
‘My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.” So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.’
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: money
Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags? A:Mmmm, sandwiches!
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
<<<778779780781
More jokes →
Page 778 of 1427.