What happened when the shark became famous? He tured into a starfish.
My wife asked if I would give it to her "doggy style." So I took a dump on the floor and chewed up her shoes.
Chuck Norris can make his own reflection vomit with fear.
Q. Why are fish so smart? Q. Why are fish so smart A. Because they swim in schools!
Q: What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman? A: Have an ice day!
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? A: Becuase the "P" is silent.
Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags? A:Mmmm, sandwiches!
Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"