Chuck Norris can play volleyball with a bowlingball.
Chuck Norris can turn carbon paper into diamonds.
Did you hear about the horse that has made a dozen films? He's not a star though, he just does bit parts!
What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common? Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth.
What dinosaur can't stay out in the rain? Stegosaur-rust.
Our body cells renew while asleep. If only our wallets could do the same.
When Chuck Norris puts toast in the toaster it comes out bread.
A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom "You know what?" says the 5 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing." The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says, "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?" "Ok" the 3 year old, agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 year old what he wants for breakfast. "Shit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Fruit Loops." (WHACK...she spanks him) He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 3 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know mum, but it won't be fucking Fruit Loops."
Did you hear the joke about the skunk? Never mind, it stinks.
Once Chuck Norris swam all the oceans for 7 days and oceans got cold.