Best jokes ever

A blonde was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag. She ran into one of her friends. Her friend asked, "Hey! What do you have in the bag?" She tells her friend that she has some fish in the bag. The friend says, "Fish! Well, I'll make you a bet.If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one." The blonde says, "I'll tell you what. If you tell me how many fish I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them."
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Q: Why did this woman cross the road? A: Because I was not fast enough to hit her.
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More jokes about: women
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information" "To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted. "It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
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More jokes about: school, science, student
What do you get when you cross a brassiere with Texas? Playtex.
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Yo mama is so fat, she doesn't fit in this joke.
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More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man they love in a cat.
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Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, game
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.
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A Chinese man came home after a late night of drinking, and crawls in bed next to his sleeping wife. After lying awake for a few minutes, he wakes up his wife and says "Hey honey, wanna do a sixty-nine?" "Well, you've got a lot of nerve! First you come home late, you're drunk, and now you expect me to go to the kitchin and fix you Mongolian beef with snow-peas!"
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More jokes about: alcohol, sex, wife
In the beautiful world of fantasy, holding hands is the first sign of true love. In college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their own.
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More jokes about: beauty, college, drunk, love, school