What dinosaur can't stay out in the rain? Stegosaur-rust.
A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom "You know what?" says the 5 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing." The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says, "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?" "Ok" the 3 year old, agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 year old what he wants for breakfast. "Shit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Fruit Loops." (WHACK...she spanks him) He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 3 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know mum, but it won't be fucking Fruit Loops."
Q: How can you tell if you have an overbite? A: When you're eating p**sy and it tastes like sh*t.
Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up? Because the first thing a child looks up is dog. The second is snake. And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.
Chuck Norris once wrestled an Alligator. He walked away with a new set of luggage.
Yo' Mama is so skinny, her nipples touch.
Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues? Because he had a stinking cold.
A mean horseman went into a saddler's shop and asked for one spur. "One spur?" asked the saddler. "Surely you mean a pair of spurs, sir?" "No, just one," replied the horseman. "If I can get one side of the horse to go, the other side is bound to come with it!"
How do bulls drive their cars? They steer them.
Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick. Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can’t find it," he admitted. The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and went on his way. A short while later he returned to the class room and said to the teacher "I still can’t find it." Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who had been at the school for awhile, to help Billy find the bathroom. So Tommy and Billy left the classroom together and five minutes later they both return and sat down at their seats. The teacher asked Tommy "Well, did you find it?" Tommy was quick with his reply. "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."