Patrick left the pub after having too much to drink.
He was taking the underground home.
As he started to get on the escalator, he read the sign: ‘Dogs must be carried on the escalator.’
He shouted, ‘Now where I am to find a dog after midnight?’
A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer.
He chugs it, looks into his pocket and asks for another beer.
He chugs that beer, looks into his pocket and asks for another.
The man does this a few more times until the bartender asks, "How come you ask for a beer, chug it, then look in your pocket?"
The man says, "Because there is a picture of my wife in my pocket and I'm gonna keep drinking till she looks good enough for me to go home."
Customer: Give me a hot dog.
Waiter: With pleasure.
Customer: No, with mustard.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she brought on world hunger.
Why does Rick Ross rap about cars when he cant fit in them.
What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
Waiter: "I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg."
Customer: "Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card."
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream!
What do cows like to do at amoosement parks?
Ride on the roller cowster.