Little Johnny asks his mum, "Mum, do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time in a faraway land'?"
"No darling," says his mother, somewhat distressed, "Sometimes, they can begin with 'I've got too much work in the office tonight, I'll come home later'."
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How'd you like to go on a long romantic walk on the treadmill?
Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A: He didn't have any arms.
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Chuck Norris found the fountain of youth, but...he wasn't thirsty.
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One day, the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.
Smiling the Lord proclaimed,
"You don't have a chance; I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here".
"Yes", snickered the devil, "but I have all the umpires."
Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"
What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache?
A bad mood.
I have joy in my heart and a glass of wine in my hand.
Coincidence?
‘My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.”
So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.
It was my grandfather.’
Q. Why are fish so smart?
Q. Why are fish so smart
A. Because they swim in schools!