The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn't want get winded outrunning it. Chuck Norris hates to sweat.
Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost.
Why are we so sure that Eve was African? If she were white, she wouldn't have eaten that apple! She would say, "Is this organic? What would Oprah do?" If she had been Asian, she'd have eaten the damn snake!
The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”. “Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor”.
The Beatles originally sang "All you need is Chuck Norris".
Your mama's so stupid she tripped over a line on a basketball court.
How do you know when a blonde has a brain fart? Her ears flap.
My life may be a mess but I know the difference between "Your" & "You're"-
A man enters a little country store and sees a sign reading, ‘Danger! Beware of Dog’. He then sees an old hound dog lying asleep on the floor. ‘Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?’ says the man to the shopkeeper. ‘Yep,’ replies the shopkeeper. ‘Before I posted that sign, everyone kept tripping over him.’
Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: "Mother said there would be knights like this."