A piece of sandpaper walks into a bar. The bartender says "What will it be?" The sandpaper goes "Just something to take the edge off"
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''
Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Bang.
Hide an alarm clock in someone's bedroom and set it for 3:00 a.m.
Yo mama so fat the only liquor she knows is liquorice.
Two snakes are talking. One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?" The other replays, "Yes,why?..." "I just bit ma lip."
Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
Using only a black king, Chuck Norris defeated the world-champion grand-master in chess.
Dear Facebook, Everytime I add a girl you ask me "Do you know her? Is she your sister?"
Why was the Blonde's bellybutton bruised? Her husband was a blonde too!