A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four". Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return. This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror, mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!". Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fell off.
The song Santa Claus is Coming To Town was originaly called Chuck Norris is Coming To Town. They changed it so the children wouldn't live in fear.
One day Mullah was beating his donkey in a remote place. A man saw him and asked: why are you beating the poor animal. Sorry, said Mullah, is it a member of your family?
Where does a cow stop to drink? The milky way.
What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around? Dead Siri-ous.
Chuck Norris says to rate this five stars or he"ll throw you five NINJA stars.
Which runs faster, hot or cold? Hot. Everyone can catch cold.
Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
The answer to all the questions on your history test tomorrow is Chuck Norris.
The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.