Best jokes ever

A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce." "Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house." The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that! What's the big deal about a two-story house?" The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is...**I have a headache** and the other story is **It's that time of the month!** "
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Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
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A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked. “How much for these shoes?” – she asked the store manager. “$200″ – he replied. “That’s too expensive! Can’t you bring the price down?” – the blonde. The store manager said he couldn’t, and got irratated when the blonde persisted. Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, “There’s a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don’t you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!” – he yelled. “Fine. I will.” – the blonde replied. After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her. When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones. Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed “Oh my gosh! This one doesn’t have any shoes either!”
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How many French men does it take to defend the city of Paris? Don't know...its never been done.
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What do you call a dumb bunny? A hare brain.
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Why do men want to vote for a female President? Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
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Kings buy Chuck Norris size beds.
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For fear of Chuck Norris, his shoes tie themselves.
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Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
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Q: How did the blonde die at the baseball game? A: She drowned during the wave.
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