Why is a man different from a PC? You only have to tell the PC once.
That tornado damage your cow barn any? Dunno. Haven't found the durn thing yet.
What is a dolphin's favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.
The tides don't change because of the moon; the sea just wants to be as far away as possible from Chuck Norris.
Doctor: "What seems to be your trouble?" Patient: "When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour." Doctor: "Try getting up one hour later."
Two old women were talking about their sex lives. Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great. Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head. When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night." Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight." While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes. She struggled to get both legs behind her head. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move. Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face. "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."
Q: Why was the black baby crying? A: He had diarrhea so he thought he was melting
Why were so many niggers killed in the Vietnam war? Because when the sergeant said to "get down", they all got up and started dancing.
What do you call a bunch of mexicans running down the hill? A mudslide.