Best jokes ever

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him. The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door. A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him. The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head. A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately. The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at?"
Vote:
has 54.06 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, cop, drunk, work
Q: What kind of money do elves use? A: Jingle bills!
Vote:
has 54.06 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: elf, money
Chuck Norris got elected for president, even though he didn't run for anything.
Vote:
has 54.06 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for the weekend. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off. Sunday night, he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?" "Oh yes, great! I think I really impressed the boss. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." "Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."
Vote:
has 54.06 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: fish, marriage, phone, wife
Knock knock. Who's there? Kenya. Kenya who? Keeeenya feeel the loooove tonight?
Vote:
has 54.06 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: knock-knock, love, music
Q: How do you wake up Lady gaga? A: Poke her face.
Vote:
has 54.06 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: music, women
Chuck Norris destroyed all life in a place called Happy Valley. We know it today as Death Valley.
Vote:
has 54.05 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
So a blonde walks into a Bar at a hotel that has it on the top story and sits Down. A man in a Trench coat Leans over to her and says,"You should get this beer" *Holds up bottle* "It allows you to do amazing things!" At this the man stands up, jumps out the window and Flies around twice before coming back into the Building. The blonde then orders the Same beer. She drinks it. And then Jumps out the window. And falls to her death. The Owner of the Bar then turns to the man in the coat and says, "You know you're a real Prick when you're drunk, Superman."
Vote:
has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, blonde, celebrity, death
Q: What do you call a programmer from Finland? A: Nerdic.
Vote:
has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: IT, nerd, programmer
How many animals can you get into a pair of tights? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
Vote:
has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, fish
<<<796797798799
More jokes →
Page 796 of 1428.