Chuck Norris once hit 3 touchdowns during a friendly game of full-contact bowling.
Vote:
What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl?
A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot.
Using a novelty invisible dog leash and collar Chuck Norris won the Westminster Dog Show.
Vote:
The only time Chuck Norris has ever faced a worthy opponent is when he looked at himself in the mirror.
Vote:
Chuck Norris can eat soup with a fork.
Vote:
Two muffins are sitting in an oven and one says to the other: "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other one says: "Ah! A talking muffin!"
Two women are digging in the garden.
One pulls out a foot-long carrot.
She says, "This one reminds me of my husband."
The second woman says, "Your husband's is that long?"
"No that dirty."
Why wasn't Jesus born in Tennessee?
They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin...
Why does ET have such big eyes?
He saw the phone bill.
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview.
Gomer was exultant.
"It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"