Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse.
Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass.
When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter.
When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell.
He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night." 
Wanna know Victoria's Secret?
She has a penis.
Boy - "dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother."
Santa - "Send me your mother."
Q: What is the difference between a gay guy and a fridge?
A: The fridge doesn't fart when you take out the meat.
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Knock knock.
Who's there?
Déja.
Déja who?
Knock knock.
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Snow.
One of the rare times the phrase "8 - 12 inches" is associated with something white.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike bar.
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A man went into the drugstore and asked for a deodorant.
"The ball type?" asked the clerk.
"No," said the dumb man. "It's for my underarms."
Chuck Norris is the reason why Professor X is on a wheelchair.
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There are 5 known levels of Super-Saiyan.
Achieving the 6th level is known as "Going Chuck Norris."
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