Chuck Norris put his phone on air-plane mode and flew it.
Vote:
Did you hear the NFL is changing the color off the football to green?
Yeah, you ever hear of a black person droping a watermelon?
Vote:
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?
All of them.
Vote:
Q: Did you hear about the the evangelical atheist?
A: She went door to door with a book full of blank pages.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but millions volunteered to get rid of anything dark
Vote:
Yo mama so stupid she told a yo mama joke to you.
Vote:
‘Sex for an old guy is a bit like shooting pool with a rope.’
George Burns
Q: What do you call a black person in a three piece suit?
A: The defendant.
Vote:
How do you fry a Mexican?
You turn on the fence.
Peter sat at his dying wife's bedside.
Her voice was little more than a whisper.
"Pete, darling," she breathed, "I've a confession to make before I go. ... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe.
I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Alex.
And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the city.
And I am the one who reported your income-tax evasion to the government. . . ."
"That's all right, sweetie, don't give it a second thought," answered Peter, "I'm the one who poisoned you."