"Grandpa, grandpa! I'm watching a soccer game!"
Grandpa: "Who's playing?"
Grandson: "Austria-Hungary."
Grandpa: "Against who?"
Chuck Norris is the only man who can put M&M's in alphabetical order.
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Chuck Norris can see all 50 states from his house.
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Roses are blue
My thumb's got a sliver
I drank far too much and I'm killing my liver.
Three kids were smoking behind the shed.
"My dad can blow smoke through his nose!" boasted the first.
"Ha, mine can blow smoke through this ears!" countered the second boy.
"That’s nothing," piped up the third. "My dad can blow smoke through his arse. I know,‘cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains on his undies."
Nations fight other nations but wouldn't have balls enough to go toe-to-toe with Chuck Norris.
Remember Atlantis?
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Most leading hand sanitizers say that they can kil 99.99% of all germs.
Chuck Norris can kill 100% of WHATEVER HE WANTS.
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Chuck Norris once caught a cold, then he killed it!
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It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father.
"Let’s try to make this look natural" she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder."
The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"
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A blonde's house was on fire.
She called 911 and started screaming, "Help me, please!
My house is burning! Hurry!"
The operator said, "Okay, calm down and we'll be there soon. How do we get to your house?"
The blonde answered, "Duh, in that big red truck!"