A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders. He says, “What the hell is that all about?” The farmer says, “We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm. There ain’t nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other.”
Do you know what would be sick? If you sat in Santa's lap and you felt him get a boner. Do you know what would be even worse? If he stood up and you were still sitting in his lap.
There is a lady laying in bed. At about midnight her husband comes walking in with a sheep under his arm and says ”That’s the fat pig I’ve been sleeping with when I’m not sleeping with you.” His wife gets a confused look on her face and states ”but honey that’s not a pig its a sheep.” Her husband says ”Shut up pig I’m talking to the sheep!”
Q: What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties? A: Women!
Q: What did the blonde do when she couldn't afford a personalized license plate? A: She changed her name to JKM345.
The Grinch steals Christmas from Santa, Chuck Norris steals Christmas from the Grinch.
Yo mama so fat she was in a parallel universe.
There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
Q: Why did the bodybuilder cross the road? A: He didn't. There's no walking on leg day.
Chuck Norris can stand the rain...