Chuck Norris once caught a cold, then he killed it!
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Three kids were smoking behind the shed.
"My dad can blow smoke through his nose!" boasted the first.
"Ha, mine can blow smoke through this ears!" countered the second boy.
"That’s nothing," piped up the third. "My dad can blow smoke through his arse. I know,‘cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains on his undies."
Nations fight other nations but wouldn't have balls enough to go toe-to-toe with Chuck Norris.
Remember Atlantis?
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A blonde's house was on fire.
She called 911 and started screaming, "Help me, please!
My house is burning! Hurry!"
The operator said, "Okay, calm down and we'll be there soon. How do we get to your house?"
The blonde answered, "Duh, in that big red truck!"
A husband and wife go to a restaurant.
The waiter approaches the table to take their order.
"I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," says the husband.
"But sir, what about the mad cow?" asks the waiter.
"Oh," says the husband, "she'll order for herself."
Chuck Norris once won a drag race with a unicycle.
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When Death knocked on Chuck Norris’s door, Chuck Norris laughed.
Death is now Chuck Norris’s B*tch.
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Chuck Norris doesn't blink...reality pauses.
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Chuck Norris will be the star lead in the remake of the movie "300" it will now be called "1"
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How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed.