One day an old woman walked into a shop and got some dog food, she went to pay for it and the cashier said you can’t buy that dog food we need evidence that you have a dog, so she bought in her dog and she got the dog food.
The next day the same old lady went to get some cat food and the cashier said you can’t have that cat food we need evidence that you have a cat, so she went home and got her cat and she got the cat food.
Next day the same old lady went in again and she had a box, she told the cashier to put her finger in it, so she did.
She said it felt warm and soft, the little old lady then said now you’re satisfied can I have some toilet paper please!
When Google has a question Chuck Norris always knows it.
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A helium molecule walks in afterwards. The bellhop asks if he needs any help.
Helium doesn't react.
Devil stays in hell because he knows Chuck is around, here on earth.
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Chuck Norris doesn't hold any world records, he broke them all.
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If Chuck Norris had to he could give CPR to himself.
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Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?"
Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
Q: What travels at 200km's a hour?
A: A Mexican hearing a dollar drop to the ground.
Leeroy is talking to his parents about his problems:
"Mummy, whenever I try to play with the white boys and girls, they always call me a nigger - why is that?
"Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are black."
"And mummy, why do the teachers shout at me and tell me to go away, but they are nice to the white boys and girls?"
"Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are black."
Then Leroy grins and says "Well, whenever I'm in the shower with the white boys I notice that my penis is much bigger than their penises."
"Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are 37."
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Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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