Chuck Norris doesn't hold any world records, he broke them all.
Chuck Norris beat Super Mario Galaxie 2 in the big dipper... before Nintendo was invented.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
Bruce Lee is the only person that lived from a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris. He died a year later.
When Chuck lit a match earth saw the sun for the first time!
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
The wind is Chuck Norris breathing.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris didn't cross the road... he was already on the other side...
Chuck Norris has never won a single fight. Winning would imply some sort of competition or chance that he could loose.