Chuck Norris doesn't hold any world records, he broke them all.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
If Chuck Norris ran for president, the competition would drop out, and he would get infinite terms.
Tornadoes have sirens to warn them when Chuck Norris is coming.
When you insult Chuck Norris, the next thing you are going to see is a bunch of halos.
Electricity pays Chuck Norris to light up his house.
Chuck Norris can access the internet from a walkie talkie.
Chuck norris made medusa turn into stone.
Chuck Norris can blow a tornado away.