What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan? Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
She’s got her very own method of birth control. She takes her make-up off.
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
Q: What fragrance makes you laugh? A: Essense of humor.
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
There's a new pain reliever for wives that relieves the headache caused by a husband who never remembers your anniversary. It's called "Jackasspirin."
Two young men from up in Minnesota were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. Ole says to the Sven "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?" Sven replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!" Ole says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.” Sven smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too." Three weeks later, Sven asks his friend Ole, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?" Ole replies, "No, but it shouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"
Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
Chuck Norris once got careless and accidentally locked his drawer key inside his drawer, with a lock that needs the key to lock.
Q: What do you call a women who does as much work as a man? A: A lazy b*tch.