A blonde takes her typewriter to the doctor. "Doc, I'm afraid my typewriter is pregnant." The doctor asks, "Why in the world would you think that?" She says, "Because it's started missing its period."
What do you call a flying skunk? A smellicopter.
Q: Why are two blonde girls fighting on a motorcycle? A: They are fighting because they both want to sit next to the window.
Yo mama is so fat they thought her butt was a new planet.
Chuck Norris doesn't Tivo television programs. They come on when HE wants them to.
The moon is just a football Chuck Norris kicked up when he was a kid.
Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it.
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied. "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe. "Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."
Ones the bus was full of people. A man looks at a lovely girl, she looks at him, he smiled, she did so, he told her get off at the next station, she did, he took her place.
What did the cannibal say when he was full? I couldn't eat another mortal.