What's green and eats nuts? Syphilis.
Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed? Yeah... now he has no ears.
Chuck Norris once went to Stevie Wonders concerts and smiled at him; Stevie Wonder is now blind.
Chuck Norris can mute silence.
John: How old are you? Peter: Hmmm..I'm 7 John: You know what, when I was your age, I was also 7.
Q: What's the easiest way to a persons heart? A: Chuck Norris' fist
Yo mamma so stupid she brought a spoon to a super bowl and the fat one brought a bowl.
Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle? A. Wheeeee.
Herm is 85 years old and retired. He gets a checkup with his physician. A week or so afteward the doc sees Herm strolling the boardwalk with his arm around a beautiful, comely young female. The doctor stops him and asks, “Herm, you must be feeling terrific, yes?” Herman says, “Just following orders, Doc. You told me to get a hot mama and be cheerful." The physician exclaims, “Herm, that's not what I told you! I said, ‘Your heart's got a murmur. Be careful.’”
There are only two kinds of computer. The latest model, and the obsolete.