Chuck Norris has no freezer. He stares at food and they freeze with fear.
Vote:
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
Q: What explorer was the best at Hiding and Seek?
A: Marco Polo.
This elliptical isn't the only thing getting my heart rate up.
A small company recently hired a new blonde secretary who certainly wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.
One day while she was typing, she turned to another secretary and said, “What do I do now? I’m almost out of typing paper.”
“Just use the copier machine paper,” replied the other secretary.
With that, the blonde took her last remaining blank sheet of typing paper, placed it on the photocopier and proceeded to make ten blank copies.
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?
simple
it is just a formality like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!!
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news:
"Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979."
"You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly.
"No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."
Yo Mama so old...
When she was at school...there was No history class!
Men are like.....Coffee
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.
Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.
The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.
"Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.
"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
"Oh great!
NOW you tell me." said the beginner.