Wife to husband: ‘One more word and I’m going straight back to mother!’
Husband: ‘Taxi!!’
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.
“What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?”
“Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”
Chuck Norris once wrestled an Alligator.
He walked away with a new set of luggage.
Vote:
“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
“Now then, mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer.
“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I
hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”
Chuck Norris has no freezer. He stares at food and they freeze with fear.
Vote:
A small company recently hired a new blonde secretary who certainly wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.
One day while she was typing, she turned to another secretary and said, “What do I do now? I’m almost out of typing paper.”
“Just use the copier machine paper,” replied the other secretary.
With that, the blonde took her last remaining blank sheet of typing paper, placed it on the photocopier and proceeded to make ten blank copies.
If Chuck Norris replaced Roy Scheider, the movie would have been known as Broken Jaws, and would have only lasted 12 minutes.
Vote:
Chuck Norris made Stevie Wonder flinch.
Vote:
If you write the Death Note on Chuck Norris, the Death Note dies.
Vote:
Yo mama so fat she made her own landslide.