Yo moma is so fat, and so nasty, when she sat down on the toilet, grown men fall out of her screaming "We're free! We're free!"
What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan?
Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
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What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells!
She’s got her very own method of birth control.
She takes her make-up off.
Q: Why did the Republican cross the road?
A: There was a black guy on the first side.
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Did you hear about the black guy that died on the highway?
He stuck his head out the window and his lips beat him to death.
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There's a new pain reliever for wives that relieves the headache caused by a husband who never remembers your anniversary.
It's called "Jackasspirin."
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Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
Q: What do you call a women who does as much work as a man?
A: A lazy b*tch.