Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"
Chuck Norris never gets dirty.
The dirt is too afraid to even touch him or his clothes.
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Chuck Norris can't be racist, because to him there are no people, just light and dark targets.
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Chuck Norris doesn't use his hand to catch bullets, he uses his mind.
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Q: What's a pirate's favorite letter?
A: You would think R but it is the C that love.
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Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket?
A: Is that you coughin'?
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It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom:
“Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.
” Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:
“Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”
Luke: Why did the M&M go to school?
Stan: I’m stumped.
Luke: Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!
A German woman is walking down the street.
Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her.
She screams, "Nein!, Nein"
So two guys walk away.
I'm like happy meal.
"Coz you are small and pretty?"
"No, coz I always c*m with a toy inside.