Chuck Norris never gets dirty.
The dirt is too afraid to even touch him or his clothes.
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Chuck Norris can't be racist, because to him there are no people, just light and dark targets.
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Q: What's a pirate's favorite letter?
A: You would think R but it is the C that love.
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Chuck Norris doesn't use his hand to catch bullets, he uses his mind.
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Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket?
A: Is that you coughin'?
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It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom:
“Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.
” Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:
“Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”
A German woman is walking down the street.
Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her.
She screams, "Nein!, Nein"
So two guys walk away.
Luke: Why did the M&M go to school?
Stan: I’m stumped.
Luke: Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!
Chuck Norris can actually describe the taste of purified water.
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A beautiful woman in her thirties was passing through customs in London, when the customs official asks her what the reason for her trip to London was.
Business or pleasure, he asks?
Sadness and pleasure!
She says to the officer!
Why?
Well, my 75 years old husband has just died and I came to his funeral!
My condolences, says the officer!
It must be a very difficult and painful time you're going through!
Not really, this is my pleasure!
I'm so sad because only now I found out that he was dead broke and did not leave a dime, a penny, not even a will for me!