Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel. "Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver." "I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart." "I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."
What does a cannibal eat with cheese? Pickled organs.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thought Meow Mix was a rap CD for cats.
What did the cannibal say when he was full? I couldn't eat another mortal.
Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber? The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
A girl visited her boyfriend, which was still living with his mother, at his house. His mother had Puritan principals. The mother, as long as the girl was there, didn’t even try to hide her dislike feelings for his son’s choice. "Mom, can I escort Helen?" The girl, waiting to hear a cold hearted "no", she surprised hears: "Sure... You can! Escort her... to the corner with your eyes!"
Yo Mama's so ugly, I can f**k her in any position and it'll still be doggie-style.
What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties? "Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo."