What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Make choking noises...
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person crying was the doctor.
What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroke-n-off
What did the red light say to the green light? Don't look I'm changing!
Four men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, 1 of them died. The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body. The 1st man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver." The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester, so I'll eat his chest." The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal... but I'm not very hungry!"
Guns can kill, Chuck Norris does!
Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? A: Wet noses.
There was no volcanic eruption in Iceland - Chuck Norris opened the BBQ season.
Q: What do you call a terrorist attack in the Middle East? A: A Selfie!
I like my women the same as I like my whiskey ... 20 years old and mixed up with coke !