Best jokes ever

An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband. When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!" The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"
Vote:
has 50.69 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, women
Chuck Norris always has s*x on the bottom. Because he never f*cks up.
Vote:
has 50.69 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sex
So God is getting a bit bored in heaven, and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?" Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun." God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't do so well with the cold, and frostbite was definitely not one of my better creations." The archangels says, "Alright, well you could always try Mercury. It's nice and warm, you could just take a bit of time to relax, get a nice tan." "Michael," God says, "do you see how white I am? I would burn to a crisp." Michael replies, "Alright, well then why don't you go to Earth?" "Fuck that," God says, "last time I went there I got some girl pregnant and I never heard the end of it."
Vote:
has 50.69 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: geography, god, heaven, kids, sex
Q: What's the difference between acne and a Roman Catholic Priest from the Vatican? A: Acne would wait until you're at least 13 before it would cum on your face!
Vote:
has 50.68 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: age, catholic, dirty, priest, sex
Why do Mexicans cross the border in pairs? Because it says "No Tres-Passing"
Vote:
has 50.67 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: racist
Two firemen are butt fucking in a smoked filled room. The fire chief walks in and says "what are you doing?" Give this man mouth to mouth then one of the firemen says: "I did how do you think all this shit got started..."
Vote:
has 50.67 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: gay, sex, work
When Chuck Norris plays dodge ball... the balls dodge him.
Vote:
has 50.67 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sport
When Chuck Norris breaks the speed limit, no one can put it back together again.
Vote:
has 50.67 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
Vote:
has 50.67 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, beer
Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945. World War 2 ended Sept. 2 1945. What a coincidence.
Vote:
has 50.65 % from 279 votes. More jokes about: age, Chuck Norris, time, war
<<<893894895896
More jokes →
Page 893 of 1428.