Q: You know why women haven't landed on the moon?
A: Because there is no shopping centre.
Chuck Norris won the London Marathon in 2005 while sunbathing in California.
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Chuck Norris can milk birds.
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What's green and sits in the corner?
That same baby three weeks later.
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A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy.
Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here’s something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on.
Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?"
The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!"
The girl says to the guy; "Honest to God, tell me what you think... Can anyone love me?"
"Yeah, for sure..."
"And then... What are you waiting for...?"
When Chuck Norris got stung by a bee, the Bee had an allergic reaction called Chuck Norris.
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Count Dracula once bit Chuck Norris and immediately turned vegetarian.
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The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't run out of patience, patience runs out of him from fear of a roundhouse kick to the face.
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