Chuck Norris puts ice cube trays in the cupboard, and he gets ice.
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Chuck Norris eats granite and drinks lava for his lunch.
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There was no world recession, just Chuck Norris desiring a discount.
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Chuck Norris can shut the door open.
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Chuck Norris can eat just one pringle.
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Chuck Norris dosn't have a star on Hollywood Blvd he has a constellation.
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Chuck Norris doesn't have to face the consequences, the consequences have to face Chuck Norris.
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George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, and Bill Clinton were on the yellow brick road, going to see the Wizard of Oz.
When they got there, the Wizard of Oz said they could each have one wish.
''I want to have brains,'' said George W. POOF! He got some brains.
''I want to have a heart,'' said Dick Cheney. POOF! He had a heart (albeit a problematic one.)
''I want to have courage,'' said Colin Powell. POOF! He had courage.
Finally it was former President, Bill Clinton's turn. ''Well, what do you want?'' asked the Wizard.
Clinton thought a moment and asked, ''Ummm... Is Dorothy around?''
My wife came in complaining about me never lifting a finger in the house.
So I did - the middle one.
Usually when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear...
Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear
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