Q: Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours? A: Put Janet Reno in charge.
A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’." "No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets? A: He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.
The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
My wife asked if I would give it to her "doggy style." So I took a dump on the floor and chewed up her shoes.
Your Moma is so fat the only words she knows is the universe.
Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? A: Becuase the "P" is silent.
Chuck Norris can punch your thoughts and give you a headache.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Yell at her.