Count Dracula once bit Chuck Norris and immediately turned vegetarian.
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Chuck Norris does not need pressure cookers.
The food cooks itself out of pressure.
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Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant.
The steak did what it was told.
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Chuck Norris once took a CPR class, this way he can kill you, revive you, and kill you again.
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The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.
The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church.
They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir.
The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church.
The priest was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick with his arms.
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Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
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When Chuck lit a match earth saw the sun for the first time!
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When Chuck Norris falls over, the ground needs a band-aid
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When Chuck Norris watches a horror movie, Chuck Norris dosen't scream, the movie does.
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Moses did not part the sea.
Chuck Norris accidently did while sneezing.
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