Count Dracula once bit Chuck Norris and immediately turned vegetarian.
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Chuck Norris invented black.
In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light.
Except pink.
Tom Cruise invented pink.
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Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks.
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Chuck Norris gets younger by the kill.
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Chuck Norris can win a football game by spiking a tennis ball over a volleyball net.
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If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till."
After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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Chuck Norris jokes are a oxymoron because Chuck Norris isn't a joke.
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Chuck Norris is the only one who doesn't have to tell PayPal to switch the funding source to his credit card.
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
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Chuck Norris doesn't wear a wristwatch.
He always knows when it's time to kick some ass.
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Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs.
Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
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