What's green and sits in the corner?
That same baby three weeks later.
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A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy.
Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here’s something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on.
Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?"
The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!"
The girl says to the guy; "Honest to God, tell me what you think... Can anyone love me?"
"Yeah, for sure..."
"And then... What are you waiting for...?"
Your mama so dumb she thought the shoes Vans are actually vans.
Yo mama so fat when she went rolling down a hill no one could pick her up.
The list of names at the end of every Chuck Norris film is the list of people he's killed.
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What do you get if you cross a Kindle with an Apple iPhone 4S?
4Skin.
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Why did the bald man take up running?
To get some fresh 'air.
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A salad shooter.
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When Chuck Norris put his hand over a magnet, the magnet comes to him out of pure fear.
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