Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel Prize? He was outstanding in his field.
When Chuck Norris visits Europe on vacation, France surrenders.
An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened. She replies, “Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!”
Q: Why are men like diapers? A: They are always on your ass and full of sh*t, and thankfully, they're disposable.
Chuck Norris can put 13 eggs in a dozen carton.
Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "What is wrong with you?" Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine." Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this." Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."
If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? A: They can't get their heads in the jars.
Yo' Mama is like a bag of chips: Fri-to-lay.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, when her batteries die, she buries them.