What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honour.
Yo momma’s so ugly, yo daddy takes her to work just so he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.
Yo momma is so fat her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.
A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman out shopping. ‘I haven’t eaten anything in four days,’ he says. She looks at him and says, ‘God, I wish I had your willpower.’
Q. Why did the woman bury her husband 12 feet under? A. Because deep down he's a good person.
Yo momma is so fat, that the last time she farted, a director came up with the movie "Twister".
A drunk on his way home from a bar one night realizes that he has dropped his keys. He gets down on his hands and knees and starts groping around beneath a lamppost. A policeman asks what he’s doing. "I lost my keys in the park,” says the drunk. "Then why are you looking for them under the lamppost?” asks the puzzled cop. "Because,” says the drunk, "that’s where the light is.”
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One bloke says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 95 years old, and she's just 24! What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family." "What do you call it?" "We call it a football wedding." The first asks, "What's a football wedding?" The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
Q. Why do men name their penises? A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.