They say whisky and petrol don’t mix.
They do, but it doesn’t taste nice.
All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn’t buy happiness...All most people want is a chance to prove money can’t make them happy.
Budgeting: When you work out that the money you owe is exactly the same as the money you spent.
I drink so much alcohol I’m afraid to smoke.
Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian food?
A: Gaelic breath.
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her crabs ride dune buggies.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she uses transport trucks as roller skates.
Chuck Norris broke the world record for most punches in a minute with one roundhouse kick.
Vote:
Chuck Norris is an action verb.
Vote:
Q. How do you know if a Asian robbed your house?
A. Your HW is done , computer is upgraded, 2 hrs later lil f***er still tryin back off the driveway.