Best jokes ever

Q. How do you know if a Asian robbed your house? A. Your HW is done , computer is upgraded, 2 hrs later lil f***er still tryin back off the driveway.

Chuck Norris didn't sign the Declaration of Idependence because he wanted the British to think they had chance.

My dad died on 9-11. He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.

Knock Knock Whose there? 9/11 9/11 who? I thought you said you would never forget.

No matter how fast you run, Chuck Norris will always walk faster.

Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945. World War 2 ended Sept. 2 1945. What a coincidence.

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" "No." A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly. "That's not my dog."

Patty was sitting in her back yard digging a hole to bury her dead goldfish. Mrs. Johnson, who lived next door, was watching her over the fence. Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, what are you doing?" Patty said, "I'm digging a hole to bury my dead goldfish." Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, don't you think that hole is a little BIG for a goldfish?" Patty said, "No...it's inside your damn cat!"

What I want to know is how did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

Uncle gives little Johnny a £5 note for his birthday. ‘Spend it carefully,’ says Uncle. ‘Remember – a fool and his money are soon parted.’ Little Johnny replies, ‘Well you certainly handed it over fast enough.’