Chuck Norris was worshipped as a god by the Eskimos. That is why they had igloos modeled after his signature move.
When Chuck Norris works out, he doesn't sweat. His body cries.
In America, Chuck Norris finds you But in Soviet Russia, you find Chuck Norris.
If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.
Chinese and American are in a plane. Suddenly, Chinese puts his shoes off and American is angry. After some time, he goes to buy a coke, but Chinese says that he'll do it. While he's gone, American spits into his shoes. Chinese gets back and American drinks his coke. That repeats a couple of times,and after the flight American admits, "I spitted in your shoes, sorry." Chinese answers, "That's how we do it. We spit in each others shoes, we piss into each others cokes..."
The sandman puts other people to sleep but Chuck Norris put the sandman to sleep.
‘A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.’ Bob Hope
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? A: They can't get their heads in the jars.
What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache? A bad mood.
Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station? Because it's a mane-lion station.