Best jokes ever

No matter how fast you run, Chuck Norris will always walk faster.

Knock Knock Whose there? 9/11 9/11 who? I thought you said you would never forget.

Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945. World War 2 ended Sept. 2 1945. What a coincidence.

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" "No." A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly. "That's not my dog."

Patty was sitting in her back yard digging a hole to bury her dead goldfish. Mrs. Johnson, who lived next door, was watching her over the fence. Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, what are you doing?" Patty said, "I'm digging a hole to bury my dead goldfish." Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, don't you think that hole is a little BIG for a goldfish?" Patty said, "No...it's inside your damn cat!"

What I want to know is how did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

Uncle gives little Johnny a £5 note for his birthday. ‘Spend it carefully,’ says Uncle. ‘Remember – a fool and his money are soon parted.’ Little Johnny replies, ‘Well you certainly handed it over fast enough.’

Yo momma’s so fat, ‘Place Your Ad Here’ is printed on each of her butt cheeks.

There was a man who had at least four to five drinks of whisky every day of his adult life. When he died, they cremated him, and it took two days to put out the fire!

They say whisky and petrol don’t mix. They do, but it doesn’t taste nice.