A husband and wife are eating soup. The wife spills soup all over her and says: "Oh no, I look like a pig" "Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
When Chuck Norris visits Egypt, the sand didn't burn his feet, his feet burnt the sand, hence the discovery of glass.
Batman is to Robin as Chuck Norris is to Death.
A rather obese man is very excited about his new job and wants to start work immediately. However, when he sits down at his computer, the only program installed was spreadsheets. Confused, the man calls over his boss and asks:"Why there is only excel installed on this computer?" His boss replies, "It was the only program in your size!"
Yo mama's so fat when she is having sex, her partner doesen't know if it's in her butt or her boobs.
Question: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? Answer: The dog, because he’ll shut up after you let him in.
Why did the blond speed on the highway? Because she thought the cars behind her where chasing her!!!!
Q: What's the difference between a freezer and a fag? A: A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.
Yo mama's so stupid she studied for blood test and failed.