Best jokes ever

Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark? A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
Vote: has 49.30 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, disgusting, redneck
Before Chuck Norris can register as a soldier, all wars suddenly end.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military, war
"Football is a game when 22 big, strong players run around like crazy for two hours while 50,000 people who really need the exercise sit in the stands and watch them."
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More jokes about: football, game, sport
What did the PENCIL say to the SHARPENER? STOP GOING IN CIRCLES AND GET TO THE POINT
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An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table. He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies. Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DON’T TOUCH THOSE - they’re for the funeral!"
Vote: has 49.30 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, food, funeral, old people, wife
My eyelids are so sexy, I can't keep my eyes off them.
Vote: has 49.30 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty
Boy while kissing his girlfriend: "Thank u baby... For give me your chewing gum.." Girl says, "This is not chewing gum my love. I’m suffering from cough!"
Vote: has 49.23 % from 118 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, love
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!"
Vote: has 49.00 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why did the white man cross the road? A: To steal our land and enslave our children.
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More jokes about: racist
What do you call a nigger with a peg leg? Shit on a stick!
Vote: has 48.99 % from 94 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people