Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."
The movie Unstoppable is based on Chuck Norris' morning jog.
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, “This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!” The farmer looked puzzled and replied, “What’s time to a pig?”
Yo momma’s so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead, because she wanted to make up her mind.
Yo momma’s so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Q: What do a bungee jump cord and a hooker have in common? A: If the rubber breaks you're screwed.
When Jeronimo jumps out of an airplane, he yells: "CHUUUUCCCKKK NNNNOOOORRRIIIISSSSSS!" When Chuck Norris jumps out of an airplane, he yells: "MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
How did the blonde try to kill the bird?? She threw it off a cliff.
How many men does it take to screw a light bulb? A. One - men will screw anything. B. One - men will screw up anything. C. Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it.
Chuck Norris can alphabetize m&m's