Q: Why can't gays drive faster than 68mph? A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.
Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.
Dave's wife thinks that he is pushing himself too hard, so she takes him to a local strip club for his birthday. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How are ya?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team." They sit and a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know what you drink." "No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them." A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi, Davey," she says, "Want your usual lap dance?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. His wife starts screaming at him. The cabbie turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real doozy this time, Dave!"
Q: What do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common? A: They all get the house.
Billy and Willy were at Sunday school studying about Noah’s ark. On the way home, Willy asked, “Do you think Noah did much fishing?” “How could he?” said Billy. “He only had two worms”. The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student’s neighbor, “Hey wake that student up!” The neighbor yells back, “You put him to sleep, you wake him up!”
Silence is golden. Unless you have an infant. Then its probably blue.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"
How do you get a Jewish girl's number? You pull up her sleeve.
Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years? A. Michael Jackson
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?" Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."