How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night?
He controls himself.
What has ten letters and starts with gas?
An automobile.
Your so poor, I stepped in your house and stepped on a cigarette, and your mom said, "Who turned of the lights".
The Perfect Man
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.
"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company.
He must be musical.
Tell jokes.
Sing.
And stay home at night!"
An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want,get a TV!"
Yo momma’s so stupid, she ordered her sushi well done.
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.
A blonde goes to the hospital to give blood and is asked what type she is.
She tells them she’s an outgoing cat-lover.
A lawyer buys a farm as a weekend retreat.
While walking round his new property he looks down and sees that his feet are in the middle of a huge cowpat.
The lawyer starts yelling, ‘Oh my God!
Help me, help me!’
His wife runs up and asks what’s the matter.
The lawyer points to his feet and screams, ‘I’m melting!
I’m melting…!’
Chuck Norris doesn't need a GPS: The World orients itself to where he wants to go.
Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."