Question: What do you get if you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's witness?
Answer: Someone who knocks on your door for no reason at all.
Good: Your daughter has got a new job.
Bad: As a call girl. Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Very ugly: She makes more money than you.
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob.
Two condoms are walking down the street when they walk by a gay bar.
One condom says to the other, "Hey man, you wanna get shit-faced?"
What's red and green and goes at 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light.
Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Vote:
At a Whitehouse party for past presidents.
Michelle Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha.
Michelle walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Obama, you can't say you weren't warned."
Good news, I've been given a goldfish for my birthday...
The bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!
What did the flower say to be the bee?
"Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
Vote:
What do you call a sex-crazed gay cannibal?
A head hunter!