Chuck Norris isn't on Earth, the Earth is on Chuck Norris.
While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?" The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess." The girl then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"
Q: What do you get if you cross a football team with a flower center? A: Nottingham forest.
Chuck Norris has only one friend on Facebook: Pain.
Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? A: He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
Yo mama's so stupid when she cries for help she says "come here please".
Jennifer, wanna go to my place? I am not Jennifer But I didn't ask about that...
Yo mama so fat she stepped on a weight machine and someone said "hey that's my phone number"!
How do you shoot a great white shark? Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.