Q: What is worse than ten dead people in one trashcan?
A: One dead person in ten trashcans!
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A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream.
They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?"
So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned.
"I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts."
And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."
What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
Beef-flat!
When chuck Norris was in school, he made his PE teacher run laps.
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Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
Why did the blonde burn her ear?
The phone rang while she was ironing!
A lady went to see a tarot reader woman who'll predict her future:
Lady, I'm sorry to inform you that your husband will die in the near future.
Don't tell me things that I already know, tell me if there would be an investigation!
Yo mama so fat her boobs squirts out milk.
The reason Tom Cruise runs in all his movies is because he's running the hell away from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck norris can eat chicken tonight tomorow.
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