How do you get a nigga out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
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Question: What do you get if you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's witness?
Answer: Someone who knocks on your door for no reason at all.
Good: Your daughter has got a new job.
Bad: As a call girl. Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Very ugly: She makes more money than you.
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob.
Two condoms are walking down the street when they walk by a gay bar.
One condom says to the other, "Hey man, you wanna get shit-faced?"
What's red and green and goes at 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light.
Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
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Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years?
A. Michael Jackson
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Chuck Norris puts phone companies on hold.
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Q: Why couldn't the pony sing?
A: Because he's a little hoarse.