Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father..."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that damn gun..."
Chuck Norris can tie your hands behind your back with both hands tied behind his back.
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Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
50Cent used to be called DollarBill but Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked him to the face and now he's half the man he used to be.
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Every time Satain goes to sleep, He has to pray to God hoping Chuck Norris does't get him at night.
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Chuck Norris always wins at Jenga, the tower couldn't dare to crumble.
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Chuck Norris can peel an orange with his eyelids, but he rarely needs Vitamin C.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a elephant with a witch?
A: I don’t know but she will need a very large broom!
Why was the BLIND blonde sitting on newspaper?
So she can lip read.
- "Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school"?
- "No, I had sex in high school."