Best jokes ever

What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your TV starts to float? You turn on the lights and shoot the black guy stealing it.
Vote: has 48.40 % from 315 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, racist, technology
An old woman wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy. The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."
Vote: has 48.37 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, cat, marriage, old people, wife
They wanted something long and hard..... I gave them MY HOMEWORK!
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More jokes about: school
Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? A: Full.
Vote: has 48.30 % from 65 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
How do you stop a nigger from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
Vote: has 48.27 % from 82 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup" the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. The retiree replied, "Oh great! NOW you tell me!"
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: game, golf, old people
Q. What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde? A. The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says, "Are you done already?" The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, sex
Your momma is so ugly she made One Direction go another direction.
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beauty, business
Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle. Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags. The border patrol guard stops him and says,"Hey mister what ya got in those bags?" "Just sand," replied Jose.
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men