When Chuck Norris was 3 years old , he was bored And decided to carve a sculpture with only his Baby toe nail , this sculpture is now called.... Mount Rushmore.
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts." The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you. You've broken your finger!"
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur? A stinkasaurus.
How can you tell when a skunk is angry? It raises a stink.
How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk? A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant.
My wife asked if I would give it to her "doggy style." So I took a dump on the floor and chewed up her shoes.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear. He sleeps with a real bear.
There is woman at a mental hospital that are told to go out into the world and find out something new about it. After about 3 hours she go back to the hospital and tell the the manager what she has learned. The woman goes up to the manager and puts a large spider on the table and shouts, "BOO" and the spider scurries under the table. She then picks up the spider, pulls all of it's legs off and shouts, "BOO" but the spider can't move. The manager then looks strangely at the woman and asks her what she has learned about the world. The woman replies, "When I pull all the legs off a spider it can't hear me!"
Yo mamma so stupid she puts a piece of paper on the TV and says, "I'm watching paper-view."
If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.