Chuck Norris isn't on Earth, the Earth is on Chuck Norris.
While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?" The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess." The girl then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"
Q: What do you get if you cross a football team with a flower center? A: Nottingham forest.
No man can perfectly predict the weather, not even Chuck Norris. But the weather DOES try to predict what kind of day Chuck would like to have...
Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
Yo mama so fat she stepped on a weight machine and someone said "hey that's my phone number"!
Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey. He chews bees...
Why do men want to vote for a female President? Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
How do you shoot a great white shark? Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.
Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused a Novocain injection during root canal treatment? A: He wanted to transcend dental medication!