When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears.
He had real bears.
Did you hear about the midget that went into the whorehouse?
He got a twat in the face.
Q:Why did the woman cross the road?
A I don't know, the real question is, why was she out of the kitchen?
Sign seen in a bar:
"Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
Because she was trying to make up her mind.
What’s the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
Why was the name "P.M.S." chosen ?
Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken...
Alex was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen.
One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the TV.
"Hey," Alex shouted, "what do you think you are doing?"
"I’m sick of sports, I’m sick of TV," she replied.
"You haven’t touched me in months.
We’re going to talk about sex right now!"
"OK, OK.
So," he asked after a moment, "how often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?"
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.