Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused a Novocain injection during root canal treatment? A: He wanted to transcend dental medication!
This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification. The blonde driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.” “Well, do you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop. The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.” “Let me see it,” says the cop. She holds up the mirror and looks in it. Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you."
Q: What do you call a sleepy Easter egg? A: Egg-zosted!
Chuck Norris shaves with predator mandibles and uses alien blood for shaving cream.
Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment? A: An IN-body experience!
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a particle accelerator to collide atoms, he just smashes his fists together.
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "What was that all about?" "Nothin', said the Irishman, "My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"