Best jokes ever

A teacher asked a student to write 55. Student asked: How? Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5! The student wrote 5 and stopped. Teacher: What are you waiting for? Student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!
Vote: has 48.04 % from 113 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: math, school, student, stupid, teacher
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health, old people
Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. ‘One thing about Jim,’ his buddy said to the bartender. ‘He knows when to stop.’
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More jokes about: alcohol
A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job... He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it. He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, "You are the reason I don't have a wife", second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children", third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job". He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says "Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were not involved".
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
What goes stop, go, stop, go, stop, go? A blonde at a flashing red light!
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More jokes about: blonde
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes? A: Because they can understand them.
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More jokes about: men
My wife hates the sight of me when I’m drunk, and I hate the sight of her when I’m sober.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
What’s a mouse’s favorite record? Please cheese me!
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More jokes about: animal, food, music
Three blonde men are on one side of a wide river and don't know how to get across. The first man prays to God to make him smart enough to figure out how to cross the river, so God turns him into a brown-haired man and he swims across. The second man prays to God to make him even smarter, so God turns him into a dark-haired man and he builds a boat and rows across. Then the third man prays to God to make him the smartest of all, so God turns him into a woman and she walks across the bridge.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her idea of safe sex is to lock the car doors.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, sex, Yo mama