"May I buy half a rabbit?" "No, we don't split hares."
If I wanted to hear from an a**hole I would fart.
Yo Mama's so ugly, I can f**k her in any position and it'll still be doggie-style.
Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties? "Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo."
Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.
A computer programmer has been missing from work for over a week. Finally someone notices and calls the police. They break down the door of his flat where they find him dead in the shower, an empty bottle of shampoo next to his body. The programmer seems to have died from a combination of exposure and exhaustion. The puzzle is explained when the police read the instructions on the shampoo bottle – ‘Wet hair. Apply shampoo. Rinse. Repeat.’
What's a moo hoo for a bunch of weirdo cattle? A nerd herd.
What's a moo hoo for a cattle dinner? Cow chow.
When Chuck Norris visits Europe on vacation, France surrenders.