Yo mamma so stupid she thought Donald trump was a trumpit.
How do you make a woman scream twice in the bedroom? Fuck her in the ass then wipe your dick on the curtains.
What do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle bells!
Once, an entire country disagreed with Chuck Norris. It's now known as the moon
A Gujarati Funeral… A family in Gujarat got simply puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Puj. Ba) arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the Daughters. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to all her brothers and sisters: Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben & Varsha, I am sending Puj. Ba’s dead body to you, since it was her last wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Kadhywad, GUJARAT, India. Sorry, I could not come, all of my paid leaves got consumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Ba’s body, 5 cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates, 8 packets of Badam and few items for Kids. Please divide these among all of you. Near Ba’s feet, you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha’s and Lakshmi’s sons. Hope the sizes are correct! Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan and rest you can decide. The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba’s left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take it. The few pairs of white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among all the Nephews. Please distribute all these above items fairly & equally. Yours loving sister, Anubhavi P.S.: If anything more needed, let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days…
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers? A: To practice.
Two old guys from a senior center were sipping lemonade on the porch when one asks the other, “Ralph, I’m 92 years old and even my aches have pains. You must be close to my age. How are you feeling?” Ralph says, “Like a brand new baby.” “No kidding! Like a brand new baby?” “Yep. No teeth, no hair, and wet diapers.”