Q: What's the slowest thing on 80 wheels? A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
The judge asks the murderer: Why did you kill that old lady? For money.. But you got only 20 cents Yes, but killing five of them would already make a dollar.
A schoolteacher was arrested today at Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Home Secretary said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
An old woman wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy. The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head? A: All you can eat under a buck.
Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband: "So, how do I look?" "Well, at least you tried..."
Where are you going for vacation this year? I checked my budget and decided that I didn't get tired.
What time is it when Chuck Norris knocks on your door? Too Late!
What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
A black guy and his black girlfriend are in a car. Who's driving? "The cop!"