Did you hear about the mathematician with constipation ? He had to work it out with a pencil...
I still don't understand why smoking weed makes you a criminal... When I smoke it the only thing I a threat to is cake.
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver...
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
Teacher: Who succeeded the first President of the USA? Class: The second one!
Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex? Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.
Q: "How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?" A: "We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."
Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? A: Full.
Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.