In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed whereas in college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.
Yo mama is so ugly she made the ugliest person in the world cry.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
What did the cow wear to the football game? A Jersey.
Man: "What you have prepared to eat today?" Wife: "Nothing." Man: "But you did nothing yesterday." Wife : "I made it for two days."
What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield? It's ass.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Randy Johnson can throw a fastball 101mph. Chuck Norris can throw Randy Johnson 101mph.
Iran reveals a plan to test its first Chuck Norris within a week.
Abraham Lincoln can finish a play better than the 2013 Broncos.