When Chuck Norris visits Europe on vacation, France surrenders.
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks.
She was so blonde that she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy go through a peculiar ritual. "Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, happy birthday" Each time he says the word he drinks the beer. Then he pays and walks out. One year later he enters the bar again and orders the same thing. The bartender watches him go through the same ritual. Curious, he asks the bloke why. "Well" the guy says, "I have a friend in Ireland and a friend in Australia. We have our birthdays on the same day. We can't be together so we have agreed that on this day we will each go into our local pub and have a round of drinks for each other. We have been doing this for 55 years since we were 18" The next year the man comes in and asks the bartender for two beers. The bartender, a bit taken aback, places two beers in front of the guy and watches him say "happy birthday, happy birthday!" The bartender asks "so which one died?" "No one." "But you only ordered two drinks!" "Yeah, well, I've given up drinking."
Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris... Okay, I've finished my morning prayers.
What is a moo hoo for the bucket that goes at the back end of the cow? A tail pail.
Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming? He was a card shark.
What do you call the everyday routines of rabbits? Rabbits habits.
Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
There were two blonds on their way to Disney World. When they were getting close there was a sign that read, “DISNEY WORLD LEFT,” So they turned around and went home.