A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
Chuck Norris is the reason why This Little Piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home.
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
When Chuck Norris steps on a crack he breaks another persons mother's back.
Count Dracula once bit Chuck Norris and immediately turned vegetarian.
Chuck Norris can eat just one pringle.
Q: How do you know the Easter Bunny is really smart? A: Because he's an egghead.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Chuck Norris can "make it rain in Southern California".
If Chuck Norris appears in your dream, don't panic, he is only looking for Freddy Krueger.