How do you keep a blonde busy all day? Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Chuck Norris was the reason E.T. went home.
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. "Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?" Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend." He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp. "But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!" The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"
What do you call a bull that runs into a threshing machine? Hamburger.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout? A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
Chuck norris can kick you in the back of your face.
When Chuck lit a match earth saw the sun for the first time!
A baby snake asked it's mom, "Mommy are we poisonous?" The mother snake responded, "Yes honey, but why do you want to know?" The baby snake responded, "Because I just bit myself..."
What's at the end of Moby Dick? A whale of a time.