Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
Q: You know why women haven't landed on the moon? A: Because there is no shopping centre.
When Chuck Norris steps on a crack he breaks another persons mother's back.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
"I'm going to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. But it is just a formality." "Who told you that?" "Gynecologist."
Chuck Norris can actually punch you in the soul.
Chuck Norris won a marathon on a treadmill.
A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here’s something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on. Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?" The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!"
Q: What do you call a man who run a cross the road and roll in the dirt then run back across? A: A double dirty crosser.
When Chuck Norris put his hand over a magnet, the magnet comes to him out of pure fear.