What's a moo hoo for a bunch of weirdo cattle?
A nerd herd.
What's the fastest way to send a rabbit?
Haremail.
Why do polo bears like bald men?
Because they have a great, white, bear place.
What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown?
Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin.
An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand.
He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, "Well, it looks plastic."
Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, "But it feels like rubber."
Curious, the attorney asked, "What do you have there?"
The drunk replied, "I don't know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber."
The attorney responded, "Let me take a look."
So the drunk handed it over and the lawyer rolled between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely by sniffing and licking it.
"Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant smell or taste, I sure don't know what it is.
Where did you get it?"
The drunk replied, "Out of my nose!"
A old snake goes to see his Doctor.
"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days".
The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.
Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
Where do fish keep their money?
In a river bank!
A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?"
"No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot."
What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain?
(A drizzly bear!)
‘How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars…’ Steve Martin