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Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
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How far can a rabbit run into the woods? Halfway. After that she's running out of the woods.
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A blind man walks into a bar. The blind man sits down, thinking he'd break the ice with the bartender by asking "Wanna hear a blond joke?" In a hushed voice, a man beside him says "Before you tell that joke, you should know our bartender IS blonde, or bouncer is blond, I'm a 6'4" black belt, the man sitting on the other side of me is 6'2, 250lbs, and a rugby player. The guy sitting next to you is pushing 300, 6'6, and he's a wrestler. We're ALL blond. So you think about it mister, do you really wanna tell that joke?" The blind man sat for a second, thinking over the odds and then replied "No, not if I have to explain it five times."
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"May I buy half a rabbit?" "No, we don't split hares."
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Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
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Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.
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A computer programmer has been missing from work for over a week. Finally someone notices and calls the police. They break down the door of his flat where they find him dead in the shower, an empty bottle of shampoo next to his body. The programmer seems to have died from a combination of exposure and exhaustion. The puzzle is explained when the police read the instructions on the shampoo bottle – ‘Wet hair. Apply shampoo. Rinse. Repeat.’
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What's a moo hoo for a bunch of weirdo cattle? A nerd herd.
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A guy admired the hair of three girls. He walked by one and asked, "How'd you get such lovely blonde hair" Taking her hand and gently running it through her hair, the girl answered, "It's natural." The guy walked by the second girl and asked, "How'd you get such pretty brown hair?" Fluffing her hair, the second girl said, "It's natural." Finally the guy approached the third girl and asked, "How'd you get such cool green hair?" Taking her hand and rubbing it up past her nose, then skimming it through the hair, she said, "It's natural."
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What's a moo hoo for a cattle dinner? Cow chow.
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More jokes about: animal, food