There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are left? 2 birds. The other 3 fly away!
Q: What happens when you spin an asian man on a swivel chair? A: He gets disoriented!
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Q: What's the difference between a freezer and a fag? A: A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers? A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.
Q: What do you get when you cross a elephant with a witch? A: I don’t know but she will need a very large broom!
Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100. So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka?." The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."
Chuck Norris always wins at Jenga, the tower couldn't dare to crumble.
Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years? A. Michael Jackson