Chuck Norris can milk birds.
Q: You know why women haven't landed on the moon? A: Because there is no shopping centre.
A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here’s something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on. Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?" The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!"
The girl says to the guy; "Honest to God, tell me what you think... Can anyone love me?" "Yeah, for sure..." "And then... What are you waiting for...?"
April doesn't fool Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris fools April.
Q: What does a dentist do on a roller coaster? A: He braces himself.
When Chuck Norris put his hand over a magnet, the magnet comes to him out of pure fear.
If Chuck Norris appears in your dream, don't panic, he is only looking for Freddy Krueger.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.
During vacation my front door's open and I left a note saying "This house is protected by Chuck Norris 3 days a week you guess which 3." All was good.