Best jokes ever

What do nostalgic gynaecologists do? Look up old friends.
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More jokes about: sex
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
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More jokes about: black humor, doctor, god, lawyer, teacher
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office. At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses. At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
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More jokes about: food, husband, life, marriage, time
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. "Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me." "I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
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More jokes about: animal, celebrity, divorce, marriage
As I stand here, and try to piss, I think of the gal that gave me this. If I see her, when I get well, I'll get it again. As sure as Hell.
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More jokes about: dirty
An old woman wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy. The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."
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More jokes about: age, cat, marriage, old people, wife
Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel!
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More jokes about: blonde
Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex? Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.
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More jokes about: sex, time, women
Did you hear about the gay French General? He blew Napoleon's Bonaparte!
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More jokes about: military
They wanted something long and hard..... I gave them MY HOMEWORK!
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More jokes about: school