Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"
Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
Q: What do cannibal tax advisors do after their office Christmas Dinner?
A: Toast their clients.
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Q: What happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object?
A: Chuck Norris is clapping.
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The boogie man checks his closet at night for Chuck Norris.
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What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elkaseltzer.
A deer hunter was bragging about the biggest, baddest, handsomest, heaviest deer he'd bagged the day before.
"It's got enough meat to eat the whole year," he boasted.
Just then the Game Warden came up and cited the man $500 for hunting without the proper tag.
"Five-hundred dollars?" exclaimed the hunter.
"All for a mangy, skinny, stubby, half-pint deer?"
When Chuck Norris watches a horror movie, Chuck Norris dosen't scream, the movie does.
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Ali Baba said "Open sesame" to open the secret entrance to the treasure, but little did he know that saying "Open Chuck Norris" opens all doors.
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How do you make a baby drink?
Stick it in the blender.
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I have a green nose, three red mouths, and four purple ears.
What am I?
Ugly!
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