If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit? One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!
Chuck Norris beat a brick wall at tennis.
Chuck Norris only needs one bullet, because it should know to get back in the chamber.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."
A blonde walked up to a man and said, "Give me your wallet." The man said, "Okay, but give me the gun." The blonde gave him the gun and the man gave his wallet. The man used the gun to steal his wallet back. The blonde said, "You're an idiot...there's no bullets in the gun." The man replied, "You're the idiot...here's no money in the wallet."
A young lawyer was working on a farmer’s case, which asked compensation from the train company because one of they’re trains killed 24 pigs of his. At the High Court, wanting to make impression of the damage amount, the lawyer says: There were 24 pigs gentlemen! Twice as much than you!
If I had my whole life to live over again, I don’t think I’d have the strength.
When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them
A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him. "I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You always lose control at the same point in every game." "When is that?" "Right after the National Anthem."