What's faster than a black guy running with a TV? His brother with the DVD player.
Did you hear about the mathematician with constipation ? He had to work it out with a pencil...
What happened when the chef got his hand caught in the dishwasher? They both got fired.
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver...
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
What kind of food do maths teachers eat? Square meals!
I've got this black friend... just kidding.
Two Rabbits are running from a group of foxes. They hide in a pile of hay, one rabbit says to the other one "Ok we can run for it or we can stay here and out number them." And the other rabbit says, "We're going to run for it you idiot I'm your brother."
Q: "How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?" A: "We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."
Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours. Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour. As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says: Gorgonzola! Wait, it is not on yet.