Best jokes ever

Three old men were sitting on a porch. "I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one. "I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another. "I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."
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More jokes about: disgusting, health, time
Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Doritos.
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More jokes about: baby, disgusting
What do you get if you cross an iPhone and a fridge? Cool music.
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More jokes about: IT, music, phone
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A Russian walks into a bar and orders a beer. "That will be one ruble," says the bartender. "One ruble!" the customer protests, "last week it was only fifty kopeks!" "Well," replies the bartender, "it's fifty kopeks for the beer and fifty kopecs for the perestroika." Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender a ruble, and is surprised when the bartender gives him back fifty kopecs and says, "We are out of beer."
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More jokes about: alcohol
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
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More jokes about: lawyer
Yo' Mama is so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey.
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More jokes about: animal, fat, sex, Yo mama
Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff? Tequila
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More jokes about: alcohol
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie’s house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park…and couldn’t find his way home. ” Oy Morris “, said grandma, ” You’ve been going to that park for over 30 years ! So how could you get lost ? ” Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn’t hear. Morris whispered, ” I wasn’t lost…..I was just too tired to walk home.”
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, cop, old people
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris