Doctor, doctor, should I surf the Internet on an empty stomach?
No, you should do it on a computer.
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Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring
How are vending machines and black men similar?
They don't work but they take your money.
An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband.
When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties.
"Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!"
The old man says, "Hell no, woman.
It done ate a hole in your drawers!"
Q. What do frogs do with paper?
A. Rip-it!
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are stranded in the desert.
A genie appears and gives each of them one wish.
The redhead says " I wish I could fly" and flys away.
The brunette says "I wish I was home" and teleports home.
The blonde steps up, sighs, and says " I wish my friends were back.
Where are you going for vacation this year?
I checked my budget and decided that I didn't get tired.
Chuck Norris can get a Black-Jack with one card.
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You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.
Chuck Norris got swept over Niagara Falls...
He liked it so much, he swam back up and did it again.
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