Bob checked into his hotel room and immediately noticed a dead cockroach on the floor. He called the front desk, asked for the manager and raised a fuss. "Sir, please calm down," the manager replied. "It's dead. It can't bother you now." "The dead one doesn't bother me." Bob said. "It's his pallbearers."
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors? Because, if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan.
Chuck Norris can skydive indoors.
Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter? A: Because it's too far to walk!
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Your momma's so fat that when she sits on a penny Lincoln dies once again!!
A blonde girl walks in the street and sees a banana peel. Sad she was, thinking...damn I will stumble again...!
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? A: Gulp.
TECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you? CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online banking? TECH: We're an Internet service provider, ma'am. You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking. CUSTOMER: What do I need to do that? TECH: You just need the modem in your computer. That plugs into a phone jack. Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank. CUSTOMER: But where does the money come out? TECH: I'm not sure I understand? CUSTOMER: You know...Does the money come out from that slot on the computer?
Your mom is so stupid she tried to wake up a sleeping bag.