Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist? A: To get a root canal.
A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss. The boss asks him, "What do you think is your worst quality?" The man says "I'm probably too honest." The boss says, "That's not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality." The man replies, "I don't give a shttp://unijokes.com/admin/h*t what you think!"
Chuck Norris can check his facebook on a typewriter.
A school bus driver stopped the vehicle to take little George out. The kid opened the door and saw his grandmother reaching her hands to grab him. The driver though, to make sure that that person is really a family member, asks the kid. "Is this really your grandmother?" "Yes. She visits every Christmas!" "Very good! And when she stays at he rest of the year?" the driver insists. "At the airport!," says the kid and continues, "Whenever we feel like, we go there and we take her home..."
As I stand here, and try to piss, I think of the gal that gave me this. If I see her, when I get well, I'll get it again. As sure as Hell.
What's the last thing that goes through your mind when you fight Chuck Norris? His foot.
Each hair on Chuck Norris' beard holds the soul of a victim.
When Chuck Norris steals a car he forces it to start.
There are no comets. Only people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked so hard that they are now in permanent orbit in our solar system.
Chuck Norris shaves with a hunting knife. "Shaving" consists of cutting a new mouth-hole every morning. That's how tough his beard is.