Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit?
One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!
Chuck Norris doesn't need twitter, he's already following you.
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Yo' Mama is so stupid, she took a ladder to a Giants game.
In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed whereas in college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.
I have got a new dog.
We have trained together for two months and imagine, after these two months I was able to reach him my paw and managed even barking around on command.
My dog can be proud of myself.
A man has visited a fortune teller because he wanted to know his future.
The fortune teller has taken a look at him from his head to his toes and has said: "you will be not rich because you have a very small ass and with such an ass it is not possible to sit on two seats."
A man walks into a nearly empty bar and orders a drink. He's sitting alone at the end of the bar, sipping away, and he hears a voice.
"Nice shirt."
He looks around and sees no one nearby. He forgets about it and continues drinking.
"Nice tie," the voice says again.
He looks around a second time. The bartender and all other customers are at the other side of the room. Confused, the man calls the bartender over and asks about the mysterious voice that admired his clothing.
"Oh, that's the peanuts," the bartender said.
"The peanuts?" asked the man.
"Yeah, they're complimentary."
Chuck Norris puts the 'laughter' in 'manslaughter'.
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Global warming is caused by transient energy leftover from Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks.
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