What do the latest Iphone 6 applications do?
Whiten teeth and perform laser eye surgery!
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Q: Where do cowboys cook their meals?
A: On the range.
When Chuck Norris pours a bowl of Rice Krispies, they shut the hell up!
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Q: What do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common?
A: They all get the house.
There were three women who always hung their laundry out in the backyard.
Two of the women noticed Sophie never had her laundry out on days that it rained.
One day, they were all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women said to Sophie, "How come when it rains, your laundry is never out?"
"Well," said Sophie, "when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Paul. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash."
"What if it is pointed straight up?" asked one of the women.
"On a day like that, I don't bother with the laundry."
Why did the little black boy start crying when he had diarrhea?
He thought he was melting.
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911 calls Chuck Norris for emergency.
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Chuck Norris once separated his powers into five people, they are now called The Avengers.
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What happens when you kiss a canary?
You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
The travelin' Texan picked up a sweet young thang in a bar and after several rounds, ordered the biggest steaks they had.
Later, they retired to his room, naturally the largest in the hotel.
As they undressed, he said, "I'm from Fort Worth, Texas, and we have the biggest of everything."
The girl only nodded and smiled.
As they began to make love, he exclaimed, "Golleeeee, lil' Lady! What part of Texas y'all from?"