Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore.
Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
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Chuck Norris brings his fists to gunfights.
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What do you call a cow that fell in a hole?
A hole-y Cow.
Not only CAN Chuck have his cake and eat it too, he WILL.
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A man walks into a nearly empty bar and orders a drink. He's sitting alone at the end of the bar, sipping away, and he hears a voice.
"Nice shirt."
He looks around and sees no one nearby. He forgets about it and continues drinking.
"Nice tie," the voice says again.
He looks around a second time. The bartender and all other customers are at the other side of the room. Confused, the man calls the bartender over and asks about the mysterious voice that admired his clothing.
"Oh, that's the peanuts," the bartender said.
"The peanuts?" asked the man.
"Yeah, they're complimentary."
Chuck Norris puts the 'laughter' in 'manslaughter'.
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Global warming is caused by transient energy leftover from Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks.
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Chuck Norris once broke the land bike speed record with a bike with a lost chain and a missing back wheel.
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When Chuck Norris pours a bowl of Rice Krispies, they shut the hell up!
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Kind of surprised hipsters haven't started tying their beard's in man buns yet.