Two protons walk into the bar and run into each other. One of them falls down. "Are you OK?" asks the other. "I think so," says the proton. "You sure?" the other asks. "Yeah," says the proton..."I'm positive."
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
A stewardess approaches a passenger on a flight. ‘Would you care for an orange juice, sir?’ The passenger replies, ‘Sure, if it needed me.’
A man jumps off a building at the same time that another man pisses. Which hits the ground first? The piss, because nobody beats the Wiz!
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner." No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially since this is a bus stop."
Q: What is the difference between Cheerios and Georgia Tech? A: Cheerios belong in a bowl.
A lawyer with insomnia consults his doctor. ‘Which side is it best to lie on?’ he asks. ‘The side that pays your fee,’ replies the doctor.
Yo mama so skinny... She turned sideways and dissapeared
They put one man on the moon. Why can’t they put them all there?
Husband: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.