My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
Three statisticians go out hunting together. After a while they spot a solitary rabbit. The first statistician takes aim and overshoots. The second aims and undershoots. The third shouts out "We got him!"
Black man found a bottle in the desert, opened it and the genie flew out: "Ask for what you want - I'll fulfill three of your wishes!" "I want to be white, often see nude woman, and that I will always be full of water!" Genie waved his hand and turned the black man to a water closet...
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
A wife woke up in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house, and heard sobbing from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found her husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing. "Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much. "Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant? And your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?" "Yes, of course," she replied. "Well, I would have been released tonight."
‘I believe that sex between two people is a beautiful experience. Between five it’s fantastic!’ Woody Allen
I fell in love with my wife at second sight. The first time I didn’t know she had money.
While my six-year-old daughter of the space age and I were reviewing some old photographs, we came across a picture of me when I was a captain in the Army Reserves. “Daddy, were you in a war?” “Yes,” I fibbed, just to see what her reaction would be. Wide-eyed, she gasped, “Against what planet?”
Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Wife: Because I married the wrong man!
A man returns home and find his wife with his best friend. He takes out the gun and shoots his friend to death. His wife: "Listen, if you stay in such character, you will lose all your friends."