A man walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the guy started to leave.
"Excuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what the guy had done.
"What was that all about?"
"Nothing", said the guy, "My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."
Why do elephants squirt water through their noses?
If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.
A baby snake asked it's mom, "Mommy are we poisonous?"
The mother snake responded, "Yes honey, but why do you want to know?"
The baby snake responded, "Because I just bit myself..."
In the High Court:
Do you know what you get for false testimony?
Yes, they promised me a Mercedes...
The male worm towards the female worm:
Baby, if you don’t take me as you’re husband, I’m throwing myself to the chickens!
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about.
He asks his father for advice.
The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain.
Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list.
He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card.
He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
Why did the little black boy start crying when he had diarrhea?
He thought he was melting.
Vote:
Me - Can you go to your moms room?
Friend - Yeah, why?
Me - I left my pants in there.
Friend - Fuck you!
Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark?
A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
Vote:
Q: When will scientists cure the common cold?
A: Actually, they already did but Republican pharmacists won't dispense it because they mistook it for birth control.
Vote: