Yo momma’s so ugly, they put her face on box of laxatives and sold it empty.
I wouldn’t say Harry was mean, but last Christmas Eve he fired a pistol in the garden and told the kids Santa had committed suicide.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Why don't blondes eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.
Q: What does a blonde do when it gets cold?
A: Sits around a candle
Q: What does she do when it gets really cold?
A: Lights it
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together.
They each proceeded to buy a pint of Guinness.
Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, a fly landed in each of their pints and became stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and yelled,
"SPIT IT OUT!! SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"
John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan.
He had to take the ferryboat home every night.
One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern.
Before long he was feeling no pain.
When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock.
Smith, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat.
"How did you like that jump, buddy?" said a proud John to a deck hand.
"It was great," said the sailor.
"But why didn't you wait?
We were just pulling in!"
Your momma's so fat the only time she sees "90210" is when she's on a scale.
Yo momma is so fat, that the last time she farted, a director came up with the movie "Twister".
A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder and asks for a beer.
The bartender brings a beer and notices the parrot on his shoulder and says, "Hey that's really neat.
Where did you get it?"
The parrot responds, "In the jungle, there's millions of them."