Thousands of years ago cats were worshipped as gods.
Cats have never forgotten this.
Yo momma’s so ugly, they put her face on box of laxatives and sold it empty.
I wouldn’t say Harry was mean, but last Christmas Eve he fired a pistol in the garden and told the kids Santa had committed suicide.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Why don't blondes eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.
Q: What does a blonde do when it gets cold?
A: Sits around a candle
Q: What does she do when it gets really cold?
A: Lights it
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner.
The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly.
The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment.
Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, “This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!”
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, “What’s time to a pig?”
Evolution ended the day Chuck Norris was born.
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Yo' Mama is so old, she has sour cream in her boobs.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she smashed open her TV hoping to find a TV dinner.
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