John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan.
He had to take the ferryboat home every night.
One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern.
Before long he was feeling no pain.
When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock.
Smith, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat.
"How did you like that jump, buddy?" said a proud John to a deck hand.
"It was great," said the sailor.
"But why didn't you wait?
We were just pulling in!"
Your momma's so fat the only time she sees "90210" is when she's on a scale.
Yo momma is so fat, that the last time she farted, a director came up with the movie "Twister".
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner.
The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly.
The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment.
Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, “This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!”
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, “What’s time to a pig?”
Evolution ended the day Chuck Norris was born.
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so old, she has sour cream in her boobs.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she smashed open her TV hoping to find a TV dinner.
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she did a cartwheel, she kicked an angel in the nuts.
Yo' Mama is like a virus, if she spreads, we're all screwed.
"What is love, at last?" asks the dentist.
And the cardiologist: "Love is a toothache.. but inside the heart!"