There’s one good thing about life. It’s only temporary.
How does a cow do math? With a cowculator.
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.
Yo mama so stupid that when I was drowning I yelled out to her that I needed a life saver and she said "Cherry or grape?"
What is the feeling that you've smelled a certain skunk before? Deja phew.
A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains. He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there. "Who the hell are you?" he yells. The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector." "Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?" He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"
Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.
A drunk man was smoking drugs while driving. The policeman stop him and says, "Show me you ID?" The drunk man, "What drugs?"
Wife to husband: ‘One more word and I’m going straight back to mother!’ Husband: ‘Taxi!!’
What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip.