Yo momma is so fat, that the last time she farted, a director came up with the movie "Twister".
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."
The bartender says, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "75 cents."
"Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!"
A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder and asks for a beer.
The bartender brings a beer and notices the parrot on his shoulder and says, "Hey that's really neat.
Where did you get it?"
The parrot responds, "In the jungle, there's millions of them."
A true meaning of the word DEMOCRATS:
Dangerous
Excessive
Member
Of
Crazy
Rats
Vote:
Husband: Everytime I hit you, you never fight back. How do you manage your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet seat...
Husband: How does it help
Wife: I use your toothbrush!
Q: What's blue and doesn't fit?
A: A dead epileptic.
Vote:
Chuck Norris was once so famished, he ate Turkey.
The country there now is only an impostor.
Vote:
Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year.
In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.
Q: What do you call a blonde chick standing on her head?
A: A brunette.